It's in these spaces of confusion and uncertainty that I try to seek "meaning."
What I'm I "supposed to" do?, I wonder.
What do you want to do?, I hear.
Want? I want the world! My mind spins in and around wish lists that have been forming since I was a child. Sure, I have outgrown some of the things I wanted in my youth, but there are certainly some things that have never changed. I want to live in opulence, contentment and joy!
So, why don't you?
I wish I could!
So, why don't you?
The frustration grows as my mind grasps at the other list... the one with all the reasons why I can't have those dear, sweet experiences in my life.
I don't have enough time or money! are the two things my mind has clumped together and turned into the greatest obstacle in the world.
Oh, I see.
I know I need more excuses! Sure, time and money are the biggies, but this didn't seem to be a good enough reason for lack, longing and such... so my mind digs deeper.
It searches, but all the other excuses seem piddly and really do tie into the two biggies.
I just can't! Life's not fair!, I insist. Although I am alone, I feel the overwhelming desire to cross my arms, stomp my foot and plop down in a funk on the couch.
I hate being conscious enough to know I can no longer fool even myself.
Yet, the confusion reigns. I am utterly wrapped into my mood of stubborn despair.
How can I live in opulence, contentment and joy with little or no time or money?
I hear laughter... a sweet laughter, I admit.
My heart knows I have already been doing so. I whole-heartedly understand that opulence, contentment and joy are matters of perception. I also know, though I try to avoid this truth at times, that time and money are also matters of perception. All of these energies can be perceived, shifted and created into whatever I choose.
Yet, I am also clear that there is a mass consciousness that - like the stubborn, forgetful me - believes otherwise. This belief is so thick and sticky, it has gotten hold of many of us. It has trapped us into a way of life and often results in suffering.
Ah, suffering. I am not a stranger to suffering. There are times I don't want to suffer, and life is simply hard.
Yes, life can be very hard.
I am reassured that my perceptions aren't completely invalid. I take a quiet, deep breath... a sigh of surrender, really. I feel my shoulders drop a bit; my jaw softens.
The frown remains, but I am not as anxious to fight. What I realize is that my mind is still clenching the list of desires. I still do want to have more time and money... especially the money because I believe it will buy me more time.
I can be such a noble martyr. My mind searches for the stories. I have many to choose from; I can dare anyone to pick a theme and I could offer a rich, real story likely to put theirs to shame. This game is getting old, however. I'm bored to tears with my stories, though I do use them, as needed. You know, those times that drama is the icing on the cake and your sweet tooth has become a craving out of control.
Yeah, those moments still happen. I hear myself laughing now.
My reasonable mind simply wants an A to Z answer. How can I make more time and money?
Spirit can't seem to reason with my irrational mind at this point. It is caught in the sticky goo, trying to figure it all out. In fact, it assures me, if it figures it all out, it can sell it to others and then make lots of money off the answer!
My heart simply smiles. It patiently waits for the conscious, wise me to return... to once again be centered in my heart where opulence, contentment and joy have been living all along.
I hear more sweet laughter. I have this funny feeling that my heart knows that time and money are living there, too.
Some moments are easy to live into: celebrations, joyful times, passionate body and heart connections. Other moments, to say the least, are a bit more challenging: tragedy, sickness, fear.
What would happen if we shifted our perceptions of what it "should" be like to live into the moment? Most of us define living into a moment as "enjoying" it, but perhaps that is not an accurate definition.
Living into the moment is simply being present with What Is; completely experiencing the moment, the situation at hand, and whatever feelings that arise at that time. And, paradoxically, to notice when we simply can't. In other words, our awareness of how we are avoiding or escaping the moment is actually one way to be with it!
Sometimes we move to a place of looking inward. This can be through quiet meditation, at an intentionally introspective weekend, or during a critical time in our lives. Generally speaking, however, we move in and out of this place so quickly, it’s barely noticeable. How many times (a day or a week) do you find yourself simply “feeling bad” about yourself, your life or your choices? This is a form of looking inward, yet it is infused with negative self judgment.
We can look back to the ‘whys’ that created our negative self judgment for intellectual understanding. Likely, we will find numerous stories which reveal how some non-constructive seeds were planted into our beings – Mom acting surprised when you accomplished a significant task, the tone in Dad’s voice when he told you he was disappointed in you, childhood friends who teased you for believing you had magic, and so on.
Intentional or not, other people’s actions and words can leave a lasting impression in the minds and hearts of children. As we grow, we learn to either accept or reject what others say and think about us. Sometimes we reject it outwardly, but harbor the feelings – which become beliefs – inwardly. As adults, we often make choices that will reflect back to us these inner beliefs; with “positive” beliefs creating “positive” results, and “negative” beliefs creating “negative” results. This is only considered an “issue” when the results are undesirable, of course. In our own ignorance of the underlying patterns, we may wonder why certain circumstances in our lives become “themes.” Perhaps we begin to feel unlucky, incapable, stuck or hopeless.
For a moment, imagine an unconscious negative feeling about yourself as a magnet. This magnet, hidden below the surface, draws to it the energy patterns that resonate with it. Thus, if you feel / believe that you are not capable of being successful, for example, then patterns of non-success will continually find their way to you. This, of course, makes the belief system more and more believable, which in turn adds to the intensity of the feelings and the magnet becomes stronger!
At this time of awakening, we are releasing many of the old patterns that no longer serve us (thank goodness!). Some patterns will simply transmute themselves into higher (more loving) frequencies with grace and ease. Yet, the deeper, bigger ones may be acting wildly out of control, leaving you feeling exhausted and downright bad about yourself. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could wave a magic wand over those stuck energies and release them once and for all?
Hawk of Nevada City, a Practitioner and Instructor of Quantum Touch, offered a neat little “tool” to help reveal and shift these burdensome beliefs and patterns. It begins with Kinesiology, also known as muscle testing. You can try this technique alone or (as I prefer) with a friend.
To muscle test yourself, create a circle with your thumb and forefinger. Insert the thumb and forefinger of your other hand – which are in a “duck-bill” position – into the circle of your first hand. When you try to “open the duck’s mouth” (by spreading your two fingers apart), the outer circle will either be “broken” because you are “weak” or will stay closed because you are “strong.”
If you have a friend muscle test you, simply put one arm straight out in front of you. As you resist, your partner will try to push your arm down. A strong arm can resist the pressure and remain parallel with the ground, whereas a weak arm will get pushed down with noticeably less resistance.
"I have played with this tool again and again, and have always found the final muscle test to be strong, " says Hawk. He has noticed that this “healing” will last for several days or weeks and, in most cases, permanently. Now isn’t that exquisitely wicked?!
In this time of rapid expansion, we are not only shedding our stuff in record time (which may not be so comfortable), but modalities like this – infused with Love, Gratitude and offered in utter simplicity – are becoming easier to find and use with success.
We may not be able to get to the root of every belief we harbor (as some are buried really, really deep), nor will every belief respond so quickly and profoundly to receiving Infinite Love and Gratitude (think of the grumbly old neighbor who keeps refusing to smile back at you). Regardless of the immediate results, or lasting affects, this is a simple and loving gesture to offer ourselves or a friend because, if nothing else, we can all use the blessing of Infinite Love and Gratitude once in a while.
Plus, when you think back on those childhood friends who used to tease you for believing you had magic, you can arrogantly smile to yourself because you know you actually do… and that’s one belief you plan to keep nurturing!