As a harmony-seeking Libran, I spent many years trying to "keep the peace." What this looked like, specifically, was lowering my natural vibration to match that of those around me. This is VERY common for many of us.
As such, I also tried to "get along" with others by "doing the right thing." This meant "learning the rules," right? But the problem, I quickly found, was that the rules changed and I rarely got to make them. I merely jumped from one hotspot to the other trying to please.
About 11 years ago, I attended a class meeting in which my daughter's teacher was encouraging us parents to take a class in NVC (Non-Violent or Compassionate Communication). I felt myself leaning in agreeing, "I should do this!" But what I felt UNDER that leaning was my desire/need to be a "better" person... and again to do the "right" thing.
I QUICKLY snapped out of it! (No this is NOT a judgment about NVC.) I realized that I was FINALLY ready to make peace with me AS I WAS and STOP trying to figure out what the "right" way to be was since - at that moment - I realized there was NO WAY I'd EVER get myself "right" in someone else's eyes because everyone had very different expectations of what I / we "should" be or do to be OK! It was a lose-lose trap of never-ending not measuring up-ness.
So after the meeting, I told the teacher, "I'm ready to make peace with my fucked-upness." And I felt my entire body relax in a sigh of relief.
Does this mean that I've stopped growing? Does it mean I've become "enlightened"? No.
I KNOW I OFFEND PEOPLE. I just walk in a room and can rub people the wrong way. I'm an INTENSE person with a very sweet demeanor and sometimes people just won't like me or what I say or what I look like.
My job is NOT to please them. Nor do I go out of my way to offend... truly. My "job" (if I want to call it that) is to surrender to the place in me that can simply be okay just because I am human.
With a powerful film title, the documentary Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe might deter proponents of vaccines and conventional medicine from seeing it, assuming this is an anti-vaccination tirade. In fact, the documentary was “deselected” from the Tribeca Film Festival at the end of March 2016 after being considered “anti-vaccine” by some filmmakers and journalists who had not seen the film. And, of course, there are those who wish to dismiss it as another conspiracy theory.
Yet, this compelling and well-researched film clearly reveals an alarming story from a whistleblower, a Senior Scientist at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) – a story every citizen should know, especially parents, parents-to-be, doctors and those in the health care industry (whom we all expect to be well-informed). After viewing Vaxxed, actor Robert DeNiro, a Tribeca Film Festival co-founder, renounced the de-selection of the film saying, “I think the movie is something that people should see.” I do, too.
Throughout the film, recorded phone conversations between the whistleblowing scientist Dr. William Thompson and biologist Dr. Brian Hooker are woven around disturbing family accounts of notable onsets of autism after receiving the measles-mumps-rubella vaccine (MMR), instances of fraudulent activities within the CDC, and informative insights from well-respected doctors and scientists, including pediatrician Dr. James M. Sears and a recipient of the 2008 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine, virologist Dr. Luc Montagnier.
Vaxxed is clearly not an anti-vaccination film. The documentary doesn’t even question the efficacy of vaccines, but rather poignantly asks some deeper questions regarding the significant rise of autism cases over the past two decades, the transparency of the CDC, the monetary motivations within the industry, the practices surrounding vaccine testing, and the distribution – or perhaps omission – of critical data related to the MMR vaccine. Director Dr. Andrew Wakefield became a controversial figure in the medical industry after getting “discredited” for a study he submitted to a medical journal, The Lancet. Yet he has never stated that parents should stop vaccinating. In Vaxxed, Dr. Wakefield openly shares his deep concerns with the MMR combination vaccine, advocating for a single dose vaccine as a safer alternative – which, interestingly, is no longer available.
In 1993, while pregnant with my first child, I had no idea vaccines were optional in my state; I hadn’t even questioned them. Once their potential dangers and questions of efficacy came to my attention, I dove deep into research wanting to make the best choice for my baby before giving birth. A critical component I learned was that my decision didn’t have to be an all-or-nothing resolution, but rather – if I opted to vaccinate – could be thoughtful assessments of which and when. In addition to concerns over combination vaccines, Vaxxed reveals the potentially hazardous consequences of inoculating children between 12 and 15 months of age with MMR, especially for African-American males. Even though I had kept somewhat abreast on the vaccination topic over the past 23 years, Vaxxed took me “behind the scenes” of the autism-vaccine controversy and illuminated some bigger concerns.
Aside from parental observations, I have never been able to do research on the health of vaccinated versus non-vaccinated children because they do no exist. In 2002, I was able to order a tetanus-only vaccine for my two older children, but didn’t realize that other single dose vaccines have since become unavailable in the United States. As well, I did not realize that vaccines are not tested under the same provisions as pharmaceutical drugs. The lack of CDC transparency and government action exposed in this film, unfortunately, did not surprise me.
At the end of Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe, the documentary lists four demands to help ensure safer vaccines, summarizing the goals of the film. Vaxxed is more than a documentary, it is a call to action, requesting:
As a California mother of four, my medical-choice rights have been stripped in the area of childhood vaccinations. Thus, I found myself irritated at the footage of Dr. Richard Pan pushing Senate Bill 277 – a bill he authored to mandate vaccines for all children in public and private California schools – which has now become law. And, whether it was one of the several pro-vaccine commercials or the snippets of Vaxxed-casted children offering an alternative view, I find the use of child actors unnecessarily manipulative, as I’m not convinced these youth have developed their own informed viewpoints. Aside from these personal responses in watching the film, the only other drawback I found was there seemed to be a negative portrayal of autism. Most of us understand that not all vaccines cause autism, not all cases of autism are the result of vaccinations, and autism spans a wide spectrum of conditions. There are many people on the autism spectrum living productive, happy lives.
In 90 minutes, Vaxxed focuses on the sound concerns of the whistleblower and other experts, highlights heart-wrenching stories of families with vaccine-injured children, offers disconcerting facts about vaccine testing, and reveals disturbing weak links in regard to public information and child safety. Educational, concise and in some cases passionately raw, the interviews are certainly persuasive. Assumedly for his protection, Dr. William Thompson is never filmed in the documentary, nor are his images revealed, which could lead some critics to question his existence and/or the validity of his claims. The sooner Congress subpoenas Dr. Thompson, the better – for a multitude of reasons.
Whichever side of the vaccine aisle one stands on, fear seems to be the greatest weapon of choice to influence the opposition. While some might consider Vaxxed nothing more than an anti-vaccine fear tactic, I highly recommend any independent thinkers to give it an open-minded watch and decide for themselves. And, if inspired, follow it up with mindful action.
To learn how to watch Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe, keep informed on updates, or to get involved in the movement toward safer vaccines, visit www.VaxxedTheMovie.com
Have you been feeling physically, emotionally or psychically bad this last week or so? What are you feeling in your body or energy fields right now? Take a minute to scan yourself and notice what’s going on before you read my story.
Last week I began my day feeling unusually tired. Interestingly enough, two of my friends had also felt the same way just before we went on our hike. In nature, amongst the rocks and stream, birds and breeze, and the warmth of the sun, the exhaustion dispersed. Seems reasonable, right?
What we discovered, to our surprise, is that as soon as we returned to the city, with the people, cars and hustle and bustle (albeit a rural version of hustle and bustle), we noticed that we were once again wiped out! There was a noticeable difference in the two spaces and the congested area seemed to affect us directly in a negative way.
Additionally, last week, feelings of “fuck it” began to surface. “What’s the point?,” swelled within me more times than one.
By the weekend, I had an intense melt down. It was triggered by a desire to have the simplicity of my family together, which was not unfolding as I had wished. I felt a deep rage… mine… others’… the collective’s. I laid down for a half hour or so and the rage softened, but never completely dissolved.
Sunday was my twin daughters’ birthday and we went to breakfast. It was lovely, but I chose to eat the gluten free pancakes that came with my meal… with butter… and syrup… of course. Well, as I have not been doing (many) grains recently, I enjoyed the delicious high but crashed hard by noon! I took a wiped-completely-out-and-drooling kind of two-hour nap.
Yesterday, I paid for the two-and-a-half-not-so-big-GF-pancakes-with-butter-and-syrup with a horrible, toxic headache… all day. I was sure by the time I got home and into my pajamas at 4 pm I would feel better, but I didn’t. The headache weighed me into another exhaustion and left me non-functional and even more so “fuck it.”
By night, I had received a text from one of my hiking buddies that she had a migraine. This friend, like me, is extremely tapped in to the collective and our planet. Thus, just before crawling into bed, I sent out a Facebook status asking if others had been feeling the intense heaviness, and threw in a request for healing energy. Of the 21 comments I received yesterday and today (many of which were offering xoxo’s, <3’s and healing), more than half commented that they, too, had felt similar symptoms:
Thus, I’ve decided to “look” at this, as I am on day two of the headache and have been GF-pancake-with-butter-and-syrup-free for two days now and have been sensing that there is something more to what I and others are experiencing. It feels unusual and “bigger” than what meets the eye.
As I was talking to another friend (the non-migraine hiker who’s been having a hard time sleeping), I started getting pictures and downloads and strands of possibilities. What’s interesting to me is that I told her that I felt like this had something to do with the missing airplane – Flight 370 – story. Strange, I know. It surprised me, and as I often get analogies and symbols, I kept this as a possible interpretation for something.
There are a couple of things I want to say before I continue. First, I don’t have a television or pay attention to the media, mainstream or otherwise, and haven’t learned much about the Flight 370 incident. As well, I am not a “conspiracy” type person – at all! – though I do believe we as a whole have been living so far out of alignment that we have allowed suppressive systems to grow and flourish for eons. And, finally, of course I could be wrong about what I see energetically! I don’t claim to be right about anything, really, but I have learned in my practice as an intuitive to just allow whatever it is to come through me. In fact, it’s all I really need to do and it’s up to others to evaluate and resonate (or not) with the information I bring.
What I see is that we are at the verge of making a collective “quantum leap” if we wish. As many of us know, things have been shifting for many years and people are really waking up and beginning to accept their power. Yet, what I also see, feel and know is that there is a lot of resistance. In fact, it sometimes seems as if the resistance is greater than the pull to evolve.
The resistance is both internal and external. And, if you think about it, the internal resistance that we are generating as a collective is equally matched with external resistance; aka entities and situations that keep us out of alignment and out of our power.
So, what does this have to do with Flight 370?
When I first heard of the flight I thought, “Hm… that’s weird, but I’m sure it’ll resolve soon.” But it didn’t. And the tidbits I caught just seemed fishy. No, I haven’t looked deeply into “what happened” to the flight, as I don’t feel it is in my place (nor my interest, honestly), but I do have the sense of foul play… as many do. What I see is that this flight was “hijacked” from the “inside.” This does not seem like a terrorist act, or even something related. It feels like an act of force and misused power on a really big scale. Big, not because it’s a large plane with lots of people, but because it feels like governments are involved. It feels like a “trade” or a “deal” of some kind. Obviously, (to me) it was important to make this happen and cover it up. The stakes feel big – some kind of bargain that has far reaches.
So what do the headaches and the discomforts have to do with all of this?
What I see is that there are huge, powerful manipulations of forces going on and they are taking place because of the consciousness shifts, because of our collective resistances to them, and because of the huge leap we are close to taking.
I say ‘close’ because it is as if our collective flight has been hijacked in some way!
To me, I am seeing the same “government” powers involved. I am not sure “which” government (which actually doesn’t matter) or how the two are specifically – on a material level – related or how exactly the discomforts are “produced” or if they are produced from an outside force at all. What I have been seeing for years is that one major “outside force” is really an internal one; our soul’s agreement to expand with the collective and the pressure cooker we feel we are in as that which no longer serves us is pressed right out of us!
Going back to Flight 370 and our collective hijacking, I could only imagine the fear, pain and suffering of the passengers, can’t you? Yes… and that’s why we are feeling this intensity. Not only are we becoming highly attuned to one another, and the plights of our sister-beings, but we are attuned to the leap we are ready to make, and we felt this hijacking.
But what do we do?
Again, what would you do if you were on a flight that was being hijacked by our “leaders?” Shock, rage, fear, confusion, and likely the will to survive would unfold within and around you! Would you sleep in your horribly uncomfortable squashed seat? Ask for another drink? Jump from the plane?
Would you band together and take action in spite of your fear and uncertainty of your future?
By no means do I wish to judge or make light of an actual airline hijacking situation, or instill fear in you in any way. Yet, what I see – and feel, unfortunately – is the affects of a passive, overpowered collective that has so much inner resistance to our quantum leap that it is subject to hijacking (or worse). What we’ve been experiencing recently, feels to me that we are – right now – being hijacked from our intended course!
So how do we release our resistance and reset our course?
First, and foremost, we must be gentle with ourselves. Eat well. Sleep. Keep things simple. Go on hikes. And do whatever you can to nourish your body and soul.
Just as I have with this headache situation, feel into your own suffering and look at it with as much neutrality as possible. Is it yours? Is there an underlying message? How can you shift it with love and care?
Keep things simple. Oh, did I already say that? Yes, I did! Our busyness keeps us distracted and out of our power. It distracts us from our feelings, our fears, from doing things we really love, and from noticing things we should be noticing.
Stay in alignment. Keep the faith. Stay on your path to your soul’s calling. Be the light for the world. Be your authentic self. Cultivate joy!
Encircle yourself with loving protection. Visualize yourself surrounded by white light, a golden shield or use any other intention to preserve your body and energy field from things that don’t serve you. This isn’t about fear, it’s about intention and boundaries. Notice and set them.
Own your power. No, you don’t need to fix every aspect of yourself. In fact, trying to “better” yourself is often dis-empowering because you align with a belief that there is something wrong with you. This is not true. Owning your power simply means you say yes to who you are and act accordingly.
Change the world. Yep. It’s what you came to do. It’s what many of us are here to do and we can’t keep procrastinating. By being complacent, we allow things to happen that don’t need to happen. Our power, especially when we band together, is extraordinary! We envision a world that is peaceful and fair and safe and healthy and abundant. It is our duty to manifest this vision one mindful step at a time.
Now, as you finish reading this, scan your body for two things. First, does this information resonate with you in any way? Second, how is your body or energy field feeling now? Did something shift or soften when you read this? Personally, I still have a slightly dull headache, but a sense of relief and renewal has enlivened me and my “fuck it’s” are gone!
Once a month or so, I used to offer inspirational talks which I called "Illuminations" at both Planet Earth Rising in Folsom and the former East West Books in Sacramento. Each time, I offered some thoughts about the experiences we are having as we spiritually evolve as well as things we can do to help ease our discomforts.
For example, at this time of awakening, we are growing and expanding so much (though it may not seem like it) that we are completely wiped out; a lot like a newborn baby who is growing and expanding so much that all it can do is eat and sleep all day! In fact, it takes so much energy to do this vast amount of physical growing, that we simply allow babies to do those two basic things – eat and sleep – and not much else. If you are experiencing this sense of exhaustion, give yourself permission to ease up on yourself and allow yourself to “do nothing” if at all possible.
During one of my talks at Planet Earth Rising, I suggested the idea of “doing nothing.” Soon after, one of the attendees emailed me seeking more clarity about this suggestion. I responded to Aaron, a Folsom resident, in a return email, which he has been gracious enough to allow me to share with others.
For some of you, perhaps "doing nothing" is a new concept that is asking to be considered in your own life at this time. If you can consider how much you are expanding on the “inside” maybe you can allow yourself to “do nothing” on the “outside.” For others, this may be the perfect time to review this concept.
For clarity, I've identified Aaron's email with an A (and italics). Note that it was written in one blanket email. My “answers” are identified with a V and, when I responded to him, were inserted into his email - as it is formatted below.
Thanks again, Aaron, for letting me share our email conversation with others!
In her book, What now?, Ann Patchett shares her educational and professional journey as she moved from hopeful high school student to successful author. Originally her commencement address at Sarah Lawrence College, Ann's insights and perspective about the ever-looming question, "What now?" are both wise and inspiring.
In a time when life is shifting faster than we can imagine, the simplicity of college life seems easy in comparison. Yet, from the eyes of our younger days, we can remember just how pivotal each and every decision seemed at the time. This college or that? What major should I choose?
And what about those times when we felt alone and afraid? With wisdom and hindsight, Ann points out that, "Sometimes the circumstances at hand force us to be braver than we actually are, and so we knock on doors and ask for assistance. Sometimes not having any idea where we're going works out better than we could possibly have imagined."
With all the changes happening in our lives today - even though it seems to be happening to many of us simultaneously - we can often feel very alone. Moreover, as adults who are supposed to 'have it all together', we can sometimes let our pride stand in the way of asking for assistance. Are you knocking on any doors right now?
It is perfectly human to long for stability and ease, yet "Sometimes the best we can hope for is to be graceful and brave in the face of all of the changes that will surely come." She continues, "It also helps to have a sense of humor about your own fate, to not think that you alone are blessed when good fortune comes your way, or cursed when it passes you by. It helps if you can realize that this part of life when you don't know what's coming next is often the part that people look back on with the greatest affection. In truth, the moment at which life really does become locked down, most of us are overcome by the desire to break it all apart again so that we can re-experience the variables of youth."
This small offering of a book (and commencement speech) is overflowing with wise words for young, inspiring students as well as those of us in the midst of great changes and are wondering to ourselves, "What now?"
Are you feeling as if you’ve been spinning your wheels just to get nowhere? Does life have way too many demands on your time? Are you considered a “Type A” personality always doing, doing, doing, or are you simply a product of today’s hyperactive, overly-scheduled culture? Do you feel downright guilty when you do nothing?
"Whenever friends or loved ones kindly suggest we relax – take a deep breath or unwind for a few days – we almost always protest. Slowing down takes too much time. A generation of doers, we have dedicated our lives to making things happen. We feel, quite rightly, that there is nothin’ we can’t do – except, of course, doing nothing."
In her book, The Art of Doing Nothing: Simple Ways to Make Time for Yourself, Véronique Vienne offers creative, humorous and even scientific views on doing nothing. Each of her ten chapters highlights an indulgent art – Procrastinating, Breathing, Meditating, Lounging, Yawning, Napping, Bathing, Tasting, Listening and Waiting – tempting us to revitalize the art not just for its own sake, but for ours.
Although this small, unassuming book was written over a decade ago, the wisdom of its subject and contents are timeless and refreshing. And, at a time when multi-tasking and break-necking paces are the norm, one could use a little encouragement to not only slow down, but perhaps do nothing at all.
More Info: In Vienne's selected bibliography at the end of her book, she includes books which might be of interest to those seeking more exquisite idleness including Essays in Idleness, by Yoshida Kenko (translated by Donald Keene), The Right to Be Lazy by Paul Lafargue, In Praise of Idleness and Other Essays by Bertrand Russell.
I learned how to knit about nine years ago. Although I had learned to crochet as a young girl – some very basic patterns, I must admit – I always thought that those two straight needles looked much too complicated to use, so I never had any interest in knitting prior to 2000. Well, that year my oldest daughter started first grade, and learning how to knit is part of the first grade curriculum in all Waldorf schools. Then I thought, “Surely if first graders can learn to knit, I can learn too.” Plus, I wanted to be able to help my daughter in school and this was one skill I hadn’t gotten in my first grade.
Thus, I began my journey into knitting and purling, casting on and casting off, cabling and other complex stitches, not to mention an entire – sometimes overwhelming – world of yarns! My first project was knitting a few cotton dishcloths using wooden needles. Though I had no need for a set of fancy dishcloths, each one offered an interesting pattern for learning. (My children have used those sentimental prototypes many times for playing, but I have never let them get wet much less wash a dirty dish!)
Knitting is a joyful, creative endeavor, allowing me to tap into my passions for color, texture, beauty and form; it can also be soothing with its rhythm, simplicity and order. In her book, The Knitting Goddess, Deborah Bergman gathers together instructions, mythology, projects and advice for knitters, novice and new. Through stories of Goddesses, archetypes and martyrs – such as Isis, Brigit, Rachel, and the Moirae – she traces strands of fiber to find the roots of knitting, weaving spirituality and magic into every page and stitch. As readers we begin to see how deeply our spirituality and human needs have been intertwined and supported by fiberwork around the world for centuries.
As we awaken more and more to our own spirituality and the connectedness of all, I must wonder if this has something to do with the latest resurgence in knitting and its sudden popularity in the new millennium. And, now, as the economy and structures of our current systems begin to shift, I can see the Goddessly wisdom of Bergman’s words a she reflects on the story of Ariadne:
Maybe you haven’t tried knitting before and you’re looking for something new and creative to delve into during these tumultuous times. Perhaps you’ve whipped out a few fashionable scarves, or have mastered the basics, found a fabulous pattern, some luscious yarn and made yourself (friend, partner, child) a whole sweater! Whether it’s the knitting or the stories that draw you, The Knitting Goddess offers inspiration to our hands, heart and soul. In my own knitting pilgrimages, I have reverently discovered Bergman’s observation, “…the rhythm of our craft opens us and introduces us to our own natural creative and spiritual keenness.” And she urges, “Try it sometime. Somewhere in the deep background of your soul, whole ancient civilizations of the spirit can rise and fall while you knit a sweater. Try it. You’ll see.”
More books about knitting and spirituality:
We are waking up at such an incredible rate! This is very exciting!
This weekend, I spoke at the "Children of the New Earth" Conference in Sacramento. It was fairly well attended, considering it was it's first year. Seeing all the people - adults, children, teens - enthusiastically participating, volunteering, playing, presenting, communing and being fully present was heartwarming indeed.
Throughout my talk, I kept feeling the "higher" frequencies expanding in and around me. Whoosh! and I'd feel the dizziness and see other realms. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE washing through my beingness and in and out of my heart.
The most touching part for me, however, occurred when I was serving on the Educational panel. Here, amongst five other enlightened women and an audience of open hearts, I finally felt - for the FIRST TIME in my LIFE - that "we" were actually getting "there!" Or, actually, it felt like others had been able to see and trust the "new" vision, which had been part of my knowing for so long.
This isn't meant to be pretentious in any way... but I am having a hard time describing the feeling I experienced in non-dualistic words or anything like that...
The realization (or "Oh, my God" moment) that I was finally heard and people were finally getting me - well, not just "me", the little ol' Veronica on planet earth - the were resonating with me at a vibrational level.
I wanted to cry! They're awakening! They're really awakening! Oh my God! The deep loneliness that has been buried in my soul for so long felt as if it was going to be a long forgotten sadness someday soon!
Really? Is this real? I am excited, hopeful, and hesitantly waiting to see if it will actually be...
Mother, may I walk upon your earth?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I find a soul family once I get there?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I find joy, purpose and fulfillment?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I make choices - good or bad?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I mess up my life?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I redeem myself?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I trash your world?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I take care of you?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I learn to find peace and harmony within myself?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I make a difference in the world?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I love and be loved?
Yes, you may.
Mother, may I die upon your earth and dissolve into your bosom?
Yes, you may.
Thank you, Mother. Happy Mother's Day!
Thank you, my child, and know each and every day I am happy being your Mother.
It's sad to think there is no "purpose" to my life.
At times I relish in this thought, it helps me release all feelings of responsibility! Yet, the knowing "it doesn't really matter" worries my ego.
"Of course it matters!"
So, my ego struggles with the knowing and the not knowing, the grasping and releasing, the desires and contentment.
It's odd to be experiencing this awakened middle place. Where "both" worlds are clear, and clearly in opposition. Yet, this state allows me to see a third view... the place where duality disappears and all is one.
Such an odd place... where ALL IS ONE and ONE IS ALL. The beauty, the knowing, the human mind's confusion over which "side" to pick.
Pick neither, my dear. Choose just ONE